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Aug. 1st, 2010 @ 11:22 pm So Here I am...
Here I am... 7 months back with Joe and loving him to death! However... being around this wedding talk is making me hope he wants to get married one day :)
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Nov. 15th, 2009 @ 05:16 pm (no subject)
I'm very nervous, scared, and sad all at the same time. This conversation is going to be extremely hard for me and I don't really know what to say. I want to believe that everything will be okay, but I don't know that it will. I can't be sure that we'll come out okay. But I refuse to give up hope. I believe he and I are meant to be. I don't believe that this is where we end. So I hope I can find all the words so that I don't have any regrets and I can feel that we have reached a good point. I really wish things were different... but I guess right now I have to make the best of the situation. Wish me luck.
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Jul. 4th, 2009 @ 09:26 am (no subject)
I'm pissed off and worried at the same time... I really can't handle this happening all the time... Quit being an ass because I don't deserve it!
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May. 18th, 2009 @ 02:20 pm Need to vent here where people don't see!!
Current Location: WSU
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
SOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I totally love Joe... and I'm super excited about us and life and what not.

Joe has a friend Brandon... He bugs the shit out of me. We used to be cool until I started dating Joe and then he just became a dick. (I genuinely believe he has a man crush on my boyfriend)He is a dick to everyone (so I've been told) but I feel the shit he does to me is uncalled for... and since I love Joe so very much I try to put up with Brandon and play nice... even after the shit he pulls I still try to play nice for Joe's sake...

So I'm wondering what to do, this kid seems to have it out for me and I'm getting sick of it. I get along with all of Joe's other friends, they seem to like me fine... But Brandon just sucks!

So what do you do when the person you love has a friend that just sucks? I'm trying to keep it to myself but it's really pushing my buttons..

I'd like your input please!
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Apr. 12th, 2009 @ 10:16 pm Last Post before I turn 21 :) Yay!!
So Joe ended up coming over Wednesday for ice cream... He then decided to just stay the night :) I love falling asleep with him! It makes me very very happy!!

On Thursday Joe came over and we went to Famous Dave's! Love it!! The waitress took FOREVER but whatever! Dinner was tasty! After dinner Joe and I went to Kinkos to print off a picture he had to draw. Then we went home and picked up Grace and her friends and went the movies. Grace and her friends went to the midnight showing of Hannah Montana and Joe and I went to see Observe and Report. Afterwards we came home and went to sleep! Once again loving it!

Friday we went to breakfast at Einsteins and got bagels. They were tasty!! After that Joe went home. He came back over at night and we went to see Monsters v. Aliens. It was a very adorable movie!! After the movie we went to Fridays for food! Then back to my house to sleep!!

Saturday we woke up and went to breakfast at OHOP! I had the waffles for the first time!!! Soooo Tasty!! Joe and I then went to the mall so he could fill out some applications! I then came home and went to my sisters to go shopping!! We bought a few tops for me to wear to the club next weekend! After that we went to dinner and then hung out at her apartment for a bit. After that I came home and showered before going to hang out with a bunch of folks at Rachel and Brian's Apartment! It was good times! My team won all the games ;) We rock :) Saturday night I came home and only got to talk to Joe before bed :( Bummer!!

Today was Easter! Woke up and found my basket! I got all cute and ready for church!! Went to church and then breakfast! After that I hung out at my grandma's with the family! It was fun! They want to meet Joe! After that I came home and napped before dinner! Since then I've basically been cleaning my room/closet!

Now I have to look for my camera battery charger so I can take pictures tomorrow!! Yay for almost being 21!! Yay!!
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Apr. 6th, 2009 @ 07:35 pm Can't Help but smile!!
SOOOOOOOOOO much has been going on but I'm not even going to attempt to update on all of it... However, starting now I'm trying to make a new effort to update this more often! So let's start from Thursday?

Thursday: Joe came over and we went to the midnight showing of Adventureland. It was a good movie, seemed more serious than I thought it would be. After that Joe and I went to Ram's Horn to get a little something to eat, his mood was kind of off which had me confused. We had some odd conversations that made me feel a bit uneasy, kind of bummed me out. We got back to my house and he said he as tired and that he was just going to go home. I said okay and we were talking for a bit, over the course of the conversation I almost called him Brandon and he caught it and I started crying. I cried BAD!! He laughed because he really wasn't upset with me. I kept apologizing and he kept saying not to worry about it. He finally ended up coming up to my room to make sure I could understand how to make a CD. After I figured it out I sat next to him while we watched some TV. I asked him if he was going to stay and he said yes. So I moved his car (which was blocking my driveway) and we fell asleep. It was nice.

Friday: We woke up, got bagels for breakfast because we couldn't eat meat. After that we went up to meet up with his friend to pick up his friends sneaker collection (long story short my boyfriend collects sneakers and yeah...). So after that I went home and then went to work! After work I picked up Jena and we went to the Fish Fry. We ate and then headed over to Mike's from some power hour/beer pong before he went bar hopping. While Danny was out with the boy's his girlfriend Lindsay came and hung out with Jena and I. After a while I went home and took a shower and Joe came over...too late for a movie but we did opt to go get food at Denny's. As we were finishing up our food his friend called and told him that one of the places releasing a sneaker didn't have that many people in line and that he could probably get a pair. So he got me to go with him to stand in line... I slept in the car from 4 to 7:30 and then we got out and stood in line with people till 10 when the store opened. As the guy came out to pass out numbers to people they passed out 15 numbers... Joe was number 16... so just as I thought this was a loss and that he was going to be in a sour mood (rightfully so we would have been the only people that camped out that didn't get a pair) so he was standing around when the guy came back out and asked who was number 16. Joe raised his hand and they said they had another pair. So Joe got his pair and there was drama with the guy that was behind me but man oh man! Who knew sneaker collecting was so dramatic??

Saturday: After not really getting much sleep Joe and I went to get food (the line at OHOP was too long) so we just went to Big Boys. After eating at Big Boys I went home and got ready and headed to GR for the day! It was good to hang out and catch up with Tari and Maisie! We went to Main St. for dinner and it was pretty tasty. After dinner we went and walked around GVSU!! I missed it and I missed my favorite smoothie!! (I got one and it was awesome!!) After that we hung around the apartment a bit and then I headed back here! Joe came over and we took Grace to the movies to see Fast and Furious. After that we came home and Joe and I crashed!!

Sunday: Slept in a bit and then woke up and went to OHOP. While waiting in line Joe was playing with his phone (he has an iPhone) and this black lady was standing in the little waiting area picking her teeth and she finishes and before she leaves she walks up to Joe. She asks if he's doing something important on his phone, he replies with "not really" and she goes "oh, well you look so concentrated. You here by yourself?" and Joe kind of nods towards me and says "No, with her"... to which she says "Oh... act like it" and walks out the door. He put away his phone, I laughed, he got a bit annoyed... and everyone around us saw it happen. It was kind of funny to me (especially since she was black and for those of you who don't know, black females have a tendency to dislike the idea of a white woman and a black man). So we ate breakfast (which was yummy as usual) and then we went home. He dropped me off and went home so we could both do homework. I took a nap and then did the whole homework thing! Later at night Joe came back over and we went to Mongo because I had been craving it. After Mongo we went to buy a movie and went home. Joe crashed faster than me but I wasn't too far behind him.

Today I kissed Joe good bye and I probably won't see him till Monday when we got out for my 21st birthday baby!!! I'm so excited :) Other than that I've been at school all day. Took two tests and am just itching for this semester to end!!

I've got so much to get done this week!! I have a deadline of April 13th or my to do list... time for me to get on it!!
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Feb. 17th, 2009 @ 09:37 am ... Boop!
Friday was hectic!! Was up and at work by 7... I worked till 9, did running around and shopping till 12:30. From 12:30 till 6 I was at work again :( No nap no nothing! At 7 I went to see Confessions of a Shopaholic! It was adorable. Talked to Joe when I got home as he was going out with Justin... I jokingly told him if he was going to do that he better be hanging with me Saturday if he wants to keep a girlfriend. (Joking mind you... for the most part ;)) So He texts me at 3:00 to say he was home and that he'd talk to me tomorrow...

Saturday: Woke up... Mommy had made her usual Valentines day breakfast... so I ate and went back to bed... Which was really me just laying around for a minute. After that I went shopping for some things I needed and came home to eat lunch. After lunch I took a shower and took my damn time getting ready.. Making myself all pretty! Joe had texted me to say Happy Valentines day but still seemed unsure if he was going to be stopping by later. At 5:00 the family came over and we had our Valentine's day raffle :) Then we had dinner which was heart shaped meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and broccoli and cheese. At 6 I texted Joe and told him to enjoy his night. He eventually called me and told me he had to stop at home but that he was coming by. He came over and we went to California Pizza Kitchen... He got me Roses and Perfume :) After food we went to go see Push! It was a decent movie :) After we went to Meijer and the home! It was nice to get to fall asleep with him again! It's been far too long!!

Sunday we slept in. We went to breakfast and then came back and he took a nap. Then we decided to go to Mongo for Dinner! It was tasty and after we came home to watch the rest of the all star game. We kept watching TV and I was getting sleepy... He told me if I got him a spoon he'd stay the night lol (I think he just didn't feel like going home). So we hung out all night and fell asleep together again :) We slept in a little before I had to go to school...

Monday was long and busy with school!! I did get to talk to Joe a little bit and it was nice... I'm really hoping things keep getting better... It's getting hard being away for so long...

Now I'm bout to get ready for class... then I gotta make myself work out afterward. Man this healthy crap is killing me...
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Feb. 4th, 2009 @ 10:11 pm So Yeah...
Good news and bad news...

Bad News... A parent called me fat today... She came in and asked what was going on with my face (I thought this was in reference to my breaking out because of girl time even though that would be harsh as hell) so she said that I looked like I was gaining some weight!! Who the hell tells someone that??? So then she keeps talking about it... compares me to a stray dog and talks about being at my winter weight. Says something about being thinner in the summer. I get up and walk out and she's like "aww I didn't mean to make you cry"... then she turns to Caitlin and Christian and says "good thing I didn't tell her what I really thought"! Really??? I have never thought of myself to be fat... guess I need to keep working it out!! Haters!!

Good news... I read some things Brandon wrote and I'm soooo happy that I've moved past him. Actually realizing how shitty a person he is has made me feel better. I mean he was a douche so why should I feel bad and/or hold that against Joe... who is a great guy... So I'm happy to say I'm finally leaving that part of the past where it belongs!

Side note things are much better with Joe and I and I couldn't be happier... Now I think I'm going to go to bed and then get up early to finish up some last minute touches on my homework before going to bed!!
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Feb. 2nd, 2009 @ 07:42 pm Changing
So I realize that for the past six years I've been on a huge kick to change. Sometimes at the request of others, sometimes because of the unhappiness I am experiencing in my life. For the longest time I was under the impression that I was all talk and I wasn't changing... but then I think of how different I am. I realized recently that I hold on to the past way too much and it is affecting my present and future in a negative manner. Brandon hurt me in a deep deep horrible way!! I've been holding a lot of what he did against Joe and almost managed to fuck my relationship up... BAD!! It scared me, it sucked ass. I admitted my faults, he admitted that he hasn't been a great boyfriend lately and we talked about our issues. At the end of the night I was sleeping peacefully in his arms, with a huge smile on my face. I adore this boy... I like him something tough!!! :)

I'm doing my best to be a good person and be happy and it sucks. It's hard to do sometimes because I get discouraged and give up. However I know what I want... and I'm confident in a new way. I just need to hold on to this and keep reminding myself what I'm working towards.

I'm hoping that I'll be able to graduate and get into my career with great success as well as keep my relationship strong.

It's rough and it'll take time but I have an optimistic view :)
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Jan. 24th, 2009 @ 09:53 am Livid and Hating Boys... RANT!!!
So in the past two weeks Joe has been MIA! I hung out with him Friday Night... And then Again Sunday and Monday... Okay... Not Bad... Kissed him good by Tuesday morning... Since then I haven't had a real conversation with him. I have barely gotten five minutes of his time... Not texting much... sure as hell not talking on the phone... And I get being busy with school but I don't get flat out ignoring your girlfriend... I'm also really hating Joe's friends. Brandon seems to have the issue of sharing. Which is very annoying. I want Joe... I don't want to break up with him, I hate fighting with him... I hate that his friends are such a huge influence that I think I could lose him off of their opinion alone... It's frustrating to feel like it's more than just Joe and I in our relationship!!

It's the 3 month flip.. It happened with Brandon and it's going on with Joe... First three months were awesome and now they just suck! It's depressing and I hate it! I need Joe to not be Brandon. I really am falling for Joe and I feel like I'm about to get really hurt! I need that feeling to go away and I need a boyfriend who actually wants me.

So I put my foot down here... no more chasing boys... I know I'm good enough to be chased. I'm done being that girl... I was her with Brandon and I won't be here with Joe.

I really need things to turn around... Please let things get better from here...
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